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By the time the credits to Happy Gilmore started to run, Lilly had made Logan get up a second time to make us another full pitcher's worth of mudslides... which was already more than half gone. I couldn't even begin to guess how much I'd actually had, considering the fact that it seemed like very time I looked away for half a second, my glass magically had been topped off. Logically I knew it was Lilly's doing. She really was determined that I was going to end up completely wasted today. Did it have to be in an hour and half though?

At least when I was busy trying to figure out how long it was going to be until my poor, unsuspecting body reached the point of severe alcohol poisoning, I wasn't dwelling on Duncan, so, you know, almost mission accomplished. Almost.

"Okay, Lil, since you're the one who's so clearly running things, what are we doing now? And don't say drinking. Already doing that, thanks." I said. I knew certain parts of that movie had received more giggles than they really deserved, but was on the far side of tipsy and pretty much everything had reached the state of funny. Not quite, but almost.

"And whatever it is? Can it not involve leaving the bed? Too comfy." And possibly a little too drunk to trust myself to stand up and not get dizzy. But why am I gonna say that? Logan's gonna end up teasing me endlessly for what a lightweight I am even without me saying the words. Not my fault, I don't drink...I'm a foot shorter, or damn near it anyway, probably close to half his weight and I've barely eaten today...of course I'm gonna get drunk first. Nothing else makes any sort of logical sense.

It was probably a good thing my laptop and phone are too far away for me to bother making any serious effort at getting them when I got drunk enough that I actually got mad at Duncan for everything and felt the need to share it with him. 'Cause that would not end well. I'll just tell Lilly her brother's a total moron instead. Not like it's news to her. She's been trying to tell me that forever. You know, when she wasn't loving the idea of us being sisters by marriage. That would have been fun.

My glass reaches the half way point and next thing you know, my glass is being filled again. "Okay, seriously, I've drank twice what you have already, haven't I?" I asked with a bit of a smirk. It was entirely possible that it was more than double, but Lilly was going to completely deny it being more either way. "Whatever... doesn't matter, right? Can't get drunk and stay that way if you don't keep killing every excuse not to. You're far too schemey." I insisted, giggling, "Definitely schemey. And determined, isn't she, Logan?"

Figured I should probably act like he was here, since he'd been fairly nice to me since they'd come back, and he was making me - well, us - yummy mudslides. And it's his house. Can't exactly go home in my current state... that would go over so well... the Sheriff's barely 16 year old daughter coming home two steps from being completely shit-faced. I'd be grounded until I graduated from college. Let's just skip the grounding part and not completely ignore Logan.

"Hey guys?" I asked after a moment, "Thanks for tonight. I know there's stuff you'd rather be doing than keeping me busy-slash-drunk." Translation, they're babysitting me so I spend a few hours in an alcohol induced buzz rather than sit at home completely depressed.
 
 
Current Mood: drunkdrunk...or getting there, anyw
Current Music: Happy Gilmore end credits
 
 
As soon as Lilly followed Logan into the other room, I laid back on the bed, letting a few tears fall. I knew Logan didn't like me - okay, couldn't stand me. But did he have to say what he did? He's Duncan's best friend, but even Lilly was surprised and confused by Duncan's suddenly acting like I didn't exist.

It wasn't even as if he actually broke up with me. He more or less just stopped speaking to me or generally being anywhere near me and then Lilly went from "You two are meant for each other. He's not that stupid." to "Can you trust me? It's for the best, Veronica. I know that it doesn't seem like it right now, but it is! You deserve better." What is that? Something is seriously not right, no matter what anybody says. I have no idea what happened, but whatever it is, it's got Duncan not even looking at me and Lilly acting weird, which is making me more nervous than I care to admit.

Maybe Logan's just as clueless about all of this as I am?

Maybe. But that doesn't make what he said any better. Everything he said to both me and Lilly before stomping off was meant to leave as much damage in his wake as he possibly could. There wasn't exactly much that could make that okay for me right now. Maybe if I felt more like myself I could shrug it off, even a little, but I hadn't for days now.

Lilly on the other hand... well, with the amount of time they've been gone she's probably bribing him into not saying anything else so entirely hurtful to me for the rest of the night. Which brings me to why I'm so very glad Lilly gave me an iPod for my birthday - not only distracts me so that I have something to focus on other than wanting to cry, but blocks out any and all noises that might come from the other room.

I almost rolled my eyes when Lilly and Logan appeared in the doorway, looking slightly flushed. Yeah, didn't take a genius to figure out what they'd been up to. Whatever. Everybody deals with stuff differently. At least I knew better than to attempt my homework. I'd never hear the end of it from either of them if they'd come back in here to find me working on my math homework or something.

I turned off the iPod and dropped it back into my purse. "Hey Lil." I smiled, but just barely, hoping my eyes weren't still too red. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to speak to Logan right now, but we're at his house... not saying anything would too rude. "Logan." I added, acknowledging the fact that he was there at least seemed like a plan.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Disagree - Chantal Kreviazuk
 
 
19 January 2006 @ 02:48 pm
[[ continued from here ]]

She was laughing at me. I swear to God, Lilly was laughing at me and it was driving me up the wall because, if anything, this shouldn't be something she should laugh about. I tried to shake off the hurt look, my face falling at her not taking me seriously.

Lilly tugs me over by my hand to the nearby couch. I collapse by her side and she has to hold her breath to keep from laughing again. At the very least she agrees with me that everything is so very screwed over. Understatement of the century. I didn't know what was going to make this better and I couldn't see where we were heading.

She finally stops laughing and she answers my question - promises that she's not cheating. In fact, she wishes that it was the biggest problem we had when I was wondering what other problems we were having. If that's not the biggest then I have absolutely no clue what's going on in our lives.

I let out a heavy breath myself and suddenly I feel embarrassed for even asking her and not trusting her. Lilly does make me crazy, but there were reasons we were still together even after all this time.

What ever is this thing that's bothering Lilly, maybe even mixed in with the thing that's bothering Duncan too, is big and I wouldn't even know where to start. Especially since it's something out of Celeste's mouth, I can see why Lilly doesn't want to talk.

I give a sigh, brush back some hair from her face and kiss her lips and forehead, my lips and breath lingering on her skin for a moment. "Ignore me, okay?" I exhale. "I'm just being stupid about this whole thing. Things are really getting to me too, Lil. And I want to help and I feel like I can't. So, just... tell me what to do to help."
 
 
Current Mood: embarrassedembarrassed
 
 
21 December 2005 @ 04:28 am
You'd think Veronica Mars for once wouldn't be some sort of problem in my life, right? Or how about girls in general? Lilly had been yanking my chain for weeks, getting annoyed at every jealous moment I had when there were guys that were all over her at the last party we had gone to together as a couple. No, she loved the attention. I knew that for damn sure. That's exactly why she had started to more or less avoid me and act like we weren't dating. Yeah, but we all still hung out together - or at least we had before Duncan decided to randomly break up with the one girl that he loved. He made my jealous games with Lilly look like child's play compared to the look that's permanently set on Veronica's face right now.

And the thing was? He didn't tell me a damn thing. I was feeling the pull from both Kanes. Face it, Veronica's not nearly enough of a close enough friend to go to.

Why does it lead back to Veronica? Because I'm actually debating which table to sit at given I'm half trying to win my girlfriend back and half trying to understand what the hell is up with my best friend and why he's acting so schizo suddenly.

I slide in across the table from the two of them with the either undercooked or too cooked cafeteria food on a tray at hand. I put my tray flat on the table and put a foot up on the seat as Lilly looks up with Veronica towards me. I've invaded some private girl talk or something, but personally I didn't really care. They always had something to talk about.

Surprisingly, it actually looks like I'm the one Lilly wants to see. She flashes a minor smile and (yes, this is evidence that I'm still attached to her and the whole incident of kissing Yolanda is over and done with) I melt. It's Lilly and Lilly has a smile the gets me in the gut every single time.

I just melt.

I knew I wasn't exactly stupid enough to bring up Duncan and what ever his problem was right now. Unless I want Lilly to beat me back down for upsetting the Fluffy Battle Kitten named Veronica. Later, I think, I'll ask her,

Silently, I offer them the dessert on my tray - which is possibly the only good thing that this school produces and sells.

Lilly's smile fades and I know she's moments away from some wry, 'What the hell are you doing here, Loser.' "Are you really going to be pissed at me forever, Lil?" I ask her. "I've done the obligatory groveling" - Even if that kiss was nothing, I add silently.

I loved Lilly. God, I loved her so much. No matter what hell she subjected me to weekly. There was definitely a thing in which I didn't want a life without Lilly Kane. I liked to think that she sort of thought similarly when it came to me. So, Lil, forget that Veronica exists and is in pain for about two seconds. We're just as important.

"Is there anything else that I missed doing? Am I supposed to castrate myself or something?"

I must have missed that memo.

[ open to Lilly and then Veronica ]
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed